Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Enough is Enough

It is hard to explain to my husband why I am somewhat whacko about some things. He doesn’t want to hear the details and I find it hard to explain without the details.

Perhaps I should adjust my attitude and just start with the premise that I do not need to justify my stance. If I cease to allow others to make me feel guilty and just say what I think or need it might work better.

Recently an old friend sent a message to me. She apologized for being a bad friend and appeared to want to be friends again. My husband thinks this is sweet. I do not.

Let me explain it in a letter:

Dear X--

Thank you for your kind words.

When our friendship ended your words were not so kind. You did not speak them to me, but to others-- others who believed what you had to say although none of it was true.

I have been confronted for my alleged unkindness to you. Friendships have been tainted to the point that some of my friendships have been badly damaged or have ended. I could not make excuses for behavior that I did not commit, so I remained silent. I still have people confronting me regarding things that you have said.

You have approached my friends and family in attempts to speak to me. You have sent a friend request on Facebook, which was ignored. Again friends have approached me asking why I am so persistently cruel to you.

I do not hate you. I just am not interested. I cannot trust you.

It has been 18 years. Let it go. Your persistence amounts to stalking. The attention is creepy and unwanted. Please stop.

Will I send this letter? Probably not. It isn’t my goal to hurt anyone, but at least I can now articulate how I feel. I don’t know why this person wants to be friends. I do know that I spent two years crying over the lost friendship and the horrible things that were said about me. My sorrow was deep and, at the time, endless.

But I learned to end it. And I learned that what was said and done was not my fault. I got past it and don’t think any reminder of that time is sweet.

And I don’t want to go there again.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Smells Like Teen Spirit

My niece just dropped out of high school-- less than three months from graduation. I suppose I should appreciate the fact that I do not have to dish out the promised $500 at graduation, but I am not happy.

I continue to watch the majority of my female relatives not finish school, get pregnant and live with men who have criminal records, or men who won’t work and who eventually leave them with small children to support.

These young women do not seem to understand their value in society. I do not understand why rites of passage into adulthood mean nothing to them-- why they will not graduate, get any kind of job training, register to vote. And it saddens me.

I am at a complete loss. I have no influence here.